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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?